Adoption is part of a person’s story, but what it means—and how important it feels—can be very different from one person to another. My approach is to make room for each person’s individual experience without assuming what adoption should mean to them.

 

There is no single adoption story.

Each adopted person brings a unique story shaped by their own experiences, relationships, family, culture, and circumstances. Some parts of that story may feel important at certain times in life and less important at others. At the same time, there are common themes that can help us understand some of the questions and feelings that may arise.   

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Adoption is a lifelong experience.

The meaning of adoption often changes as a person grows and develops. Questions that felt unimportant at 10 may feel very different at 15, 20, or 30—and new questions can emerge at different stages of life.                                         

Different paths to adoption bring different experiences.

Whether through domestic private or agency placement, foster care, or international adoption, each path comes with its own circumstances and experiences. These differences can shape questions about family, belonging, culture, identity, and connection in different ways throughout a person’s life.​

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Attachment matters—and it’s part of a bigger picture.

Early relationships, separation, loss, and transition can influence how we learn to trust and connect with others. Understanding attachment can be important, as can recognizing the many other relationships, experiences, strengths, and challenges that shape who we become.

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Curiosity about birth family is normal. So is not being curious.

Some adopted people have a strong desire to know their birth family or understand more about their origins. Others have little or no interest. Both responses are valid and don’t necessarily reflect someone’s connection to their adoptive family or the place adoption holds in their life.

 

Birth family relationships can be complicated.

Open adoption, reunion, searching for birth family, changing boundaries, limited information, or having no contact at all can bring a wide range of emotions. There is room for mixed feelings, uncertainty, and feelings that change over time.

 

Race and culture can become part of the adoption conversation.

For people adopted trans racially, questions about racial identity, culture, belonging, and connection to their community may take on different meanings at different stages of life. These experiences are individual and can evolve over time.

 

Adoptive parents have their own stories, too.

Parents come to adoption through many different paths, sometimes including infertility, loss, or other unexpected changes in how they imagined building a family. Along with tremendous love and joy, parenting through adoption can bring challenges, uncertainties, and experiences that may be very different from what was expected. Supporting parents means making room for their experiences while also helping them understand and respond to the evolving needs of their child.

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I feel honored to work with individuals and families who have adoption as part of their story. As an adoptive parent with many years of professional experience in the adoption community, I’ve developed a deep appreciation for the complexities, challenges, and joys that adoption can bring. It continues to be deeply meaningful to me to support individuals and families as they make sense of their own evolving stories.